So many parents are usually desperate to find ways on how to help kids cope with bullying, as it is a widespread phenomenon. Bullying is a form of physical or verbal aggression, repeated over a period of time. A bully’s intention is to cause pain, either through physical harm or hurtful words or behavior, and does so repeatedly.
It is a pattern of behavior, rather than an isolated incident, and can usually be identified through the following characteristics: intent, repetition, and power.
A bully can turn something as simple as going to the bus stop or lunch break into a nightmare, and can leave deep emotional scars. Or in extreme cases, it can involve physical trauma and/or property damage. Bullying can also happen online; cyberbullying often occurs over social media, SMS/text, email, or any online platform where children interact.
But why do certain kids bully others? Aren’t all kids supposed to be angels? Are some simply born demons?
The truth is, almost every kid bullies or will be bullied at one point or another. Sometimes, a victim can become a bully in the future, and a bully to some can be a victim to another. It’s a vicious cycle, brought about by a wide variety of reasons.
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Why Do Kids Bully?
Kids can become bullies for the basest of reasons, and that is simply because they need a victim. They can pick on someone who appears physically or emotionally weaker, or different in some other way, for no other reason than because it makes them feel in control. And while bullies are usually bigger or stronger than their victims, that is not always the case.
Also, bullying can result from the aforementioned cycle, stemming from the way the kids were treated. They may either think such behavior is normal because they come from families or settings where people get angry and call each other names. Or they may bully because they themselves are being bullied and they see it as a way of restoring balance. They may also be lashing out due to a lack of attention.
Both bullies and their victims are at a greater risk of mental and behavioral health issues, including depression, anxiety, substance abuse, sleep difficulties, and academic issues. Words can hurt. Wedgies and toilet swirls definitely hurt.
When Is It Bullying?
It should be noted that teasing is not the same as bullying. The former occurs in a friendly, playful and mutual way that both parties find funny. Most kids get teased by a sibling or a friend at some point.
However, there is a fine line between teasing and bullying, which can sometimes get blurred.
When teasing becomes unkind, hurtful, and constant, that line has been crossed, and it needs to stop.
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Signs of Bullying
It can be hard to spot bullying, especially for parents who might not be particularly close with their kids. So, unless the child speaks up (and kids can be pretty closeted with stuff like this), they might not know.
However, here are some warning signs:
- acting differently or always looking anxious
- unexplained injuries,
- not eating, sleeping well, or doing the things they usually enjoy
- seem moodier or more easily upset than usual
- missing belongings
- avoiding certain situations (like taking the bus to school)
- having a limited number of friends
- declining grades, or
- being self-destructive.
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What Can Parents Do To Help Kids Cope With Bullying?
Start with prevention. This is the first step to keeping your kid safe, be it in person or online.
Let them know the issue by:
Educating Them About Bullying
Identify the enemy. Once your kids know what bullying is, they will be able to identify it more easily and tell whether it is happening to them or someone else.
Talk Openly And Frequently To Your Children
The more you talk to your children about bullying, the more comfortable they will be telling you if they see or experience it.
Be A Role Model
Kids are impressionable. Show your child how to treat people with kindness and respect by doing the same, including speaking up when others are being mistreated. There are three parties to bullying: the victim, the perpetrator, and the bystander, and even kids who are not victims can prevent bullying by sticking up and questioning bullying behaviors.
You are your kids’ biggest role models, in case you didn’t know.
Help Build Your Child’s Self-confidence
Encourage your child to enroll in classes or join activities they love in your community. This will also help build confidence as well as a group of friends with shared interests.
You can also be a part of their online experience by familiarizing yourself with their platforms, explaining how the online and offline worlds are connected, and warning them of the risks they will face. However, you could do all these, and bullying will still occur. In that case, there are several steps you can take to help them:
Listen To Your Child Openly And Calmly
Most parents try to fight fire with fire, and while this is not primarily bad, it is not the most important thing to do. Instead, focus on your kid by making them feel heard and supported, instead of trying to find the cause of the bullying or trying to solve the problem. Make sure they know that it is not their fault.
Talk To The Teacher Or School
In surveys, most kids and teens say that bullying happens at school. Inquire if the school has a bullying policy or code of conduct. This may apply to both in-person bullying and online.
However, if you hear that the bullying will get worse if the bully finds out that your child told you or there are threats of physical harm involved, then it is time to take it seriously. And while teachers or counselors are the best to contact first, sometimes it is useful to approach the bully’s parents. However, the latter is best done with a school official or counselor present to mediate, so things don’t get ugly.
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How To Help If Your Kid Is A Bully
Sometimes, though, your child may not be the victim. No parent ever wishes to hear that their kid is a bully, but sometimes, they are. Children who bully often just want to fit in, need attention, or are simply figuring out how to deal with complicated emotions. In some cases, bullies are themselves victims or witnesses to violence at home or in their community.
If you think or know that your child is bullying other children, it’s important to remember that they are not inherently bad, but may be acting out for a number of reasons. There are several steps you can take to help them:
Communicate
Understanding why your child is acting out will help you know how to help them. If they are having trouble explaining their behavior, you can consult a counselor, social worker, or mental health professional who is trained to work with children.
Work Through Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Ask your child to explain a scenario that frustrated them, and offer constructive ways of reacting. Use this exercise to brainstorm possible future scenarios and non-harmful responses. Encouraging your child to “put yourself in their shoes” will help them imagine the experience of the person being bullied.
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Examine Yourself
As said earlier, parents are their children’s most significant role models, and most kids who bully are just modeling what they see at home. Have you or another caregiver exposed them to physically or emotionally harmful behavior? Look inward and think honestly about how you are presenting to your child.
Give Consequences And Opportunities To Make Amends
If you find out your child is a bully, it is important to offer appropriate but non-violent consequences. This could be limiting their activities, especially those that encourage bullying (social gatherings, screen/social media time). Also, encourage your child to apologize to their peers and help them be more inclusive.
How To Help Kids Cope With Bullying: It’s A Wrap
Bullying can describe a wide range of situations, hence there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. What works in one situation may not in another. Many things — such as the age of the kids involved, the specific type of bullying behaviors, and the severity of the situation — will help determine the best course of action.
