Nigerians and insults are like five and six. Just like in our art and music, we are also creative when it comes to filleting people with our tongues.
I mean, how will you tell me that my head has the parabolic curvature of a dented okada seat? Or that the finest girl wey dey my village, na monkey dey toast am? All because we’re arguing about Messi and Ronaldo.
As a child, there are so many things that one could say to you that will annoy youuuu. This could come from your parents, siblings, or even peers. These insults hurt way more than flogging or even intense punishment.
Ladies and gentlemen, in the spirit of reminiscing, I give unto you…
Ten most brutal insults from our childhood
Amebo curry-curry
This is all for my Amebos. If you were a busybody growing up, you deserved to hear this ridiculous insult. It usually came in a chant: “Amebo, curry, curry, looking at you talking to me, no respect, Indian kpomo, Togo yansh”.
From where? Do Indians eat Kpomo? And who gave Togo that particular piece of anatomy? Girls are guilty of giving this insult. Imagine a girl telling you this as a guy. Omo.
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Ask my yansh
Yes, this is the classic one. This insult usually comes from our traditional or rather boomer parents, but mostly from our peers. You could be asking a serious question and the person would respond “ask my yansh”.
What could you possibly do after that? Nothing, that’s what; just swallow what is left of your bruised dignity and retreat. What makes it worse is the sass with which the insult is delivered, and the fact that they slap their butt!
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Cry, cry, baby
This should have been the first on the list. We don’t know which hurts more – when it comes from our friends or our parents. Adults usually sing this to crying children and it hurts. I mean, I’m crying, so why are you making fun of me?
But when children sing this? It destroys all of your self-esteem and you’d just keep crying the whole day, thus proving their point.
Tambolo
This is for my tiny people. Tambolo means ant. So if you’re short, you would have gotten this insult as a child. It’s so painful because you may want to be taken seriously but all they would say “who is this tambolo talking to?”
On the bright side, ants are hardworking. That’s something to look at.
Waka
Out of all the insults on this list, this hurts the most. Parents usually don’t say this to children, but children with big mouths? It was the most silent and most offensive. Can you just imagine five fingers pointed at you and the person sneering at you with disgust?
Right now, they don’t just say “waka”, they say “your father or your mother” along with it. The effrontery.
Tear tear, patch patch
Mistakenly come to school or somewhere with torn trousers or shoes, and you will hate yourself. Children can be so heartless and taunting.
The chant went thus: “tear, tear, patch, patch… Omo baba shoemaker….”
Why? It’s even worse when parents or adults say to children. It’s worse than beating us for looking bad. I mean, what’s your business with torn clothing? Must you make it hurt?
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Begi begi e no good oh
Begi-Begi e no good oh, buy your own oh, e go better…
For all my beggars, this is for you. You could ask someone for something and instead of them saying yes or no, they will start chanting.
Worse, other children will laugh at you and join in the chant. Why? It’s not fair.
Have you read: What is the Meaning of Zazu?
Bombastic element
This is for the parents. Parents back in the day would call you an “idiot.” Which hurt, but this insult…..
It makes no sense, but it sure made us cry as kids. In reality, why were we crying about something that did not make any sense?
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Water and garri make eba for your wedding day
Now, this hurts so badly.
It usually comes after the word “what?” the person would respond with so much sass, “water and garri make for your wedding day.”
I bet you that this is so sad. Why? Why are you going as far as my wedding date? Now my future partner is somewhere, flinching as they receive stray bullets.
See: Slangs in Nigeria: Meaning of Aza, Sapa, and Others
Radio without battery
Yes, the ultimate insult by parents. These are for the talkative. The ones who talk and talk and talk. It was so bad. Why can’t you just tell me to shut up? Must you insult me?
This childhood insult hurt more than koboko, to be very honest.
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Y has a long tail and two branches
Nigerians have a problem with responding to questions the normal way. This hurt so much because you want to know the reason for something and they would respond to this.
Most times, this childhood insult was given by parents or teachers. Funny thing is that you cannot respond to them harshly, if not they will call family meetings on your poor head.
Conclusion
Ah, just reading this, makes me remember my childhood and how fun it was. I doubt if children nowadays say these insults. They are so interested in their TikTok and their play stations. They don’t make it so fun anymore.
I remember during our time; insults were something fun. When people make jest of themselves inside the class or out, it was really funny. Except if you were the one receiving it.
Despite the trauma, Nigeria has given us a few laughs.
