We will teach you how to serve breakfast in relationships, and serve well.
If you’re old enough to know what cunnilingus means, chances are you have either watched too much pornography or had a relationship. For the purpose of this article, let me hope it is the latter, because only those in the latter category will be able to vibe with me henceforth. The rest of you can go watch Looney Tunes or something.
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Breakfast In Relationships
Let me assure you that this doesn’t mean breakfast in bed. It is quite a different concept where a partner is served a meal he neither wants to taste nor digest. Serving breakfast is Nigerian slang for breaking up with a partner.
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Yikes. I know, right? This has nothing to do with KFC Chicken and Chips. It has to do with pain and separation.
Relationships are fun. Two people come together and decide to face all odds and always be here for each other. But sometimes certain factors arise over time and a member of the couple might decide to give up on the relationship and call it quits. This could be for a host of reasons that I do not have time to discuss, but I do have a story to tell you.
My Breakfast Story
It was the wet season of 2019 and I was a fool in love. Can you blame me? It happens to all of us, even those who claim to have no blood-pumping organs in their chests. You spend enough time with someone and it creeps up on you without notice. You start to anticipate their texts, maybe stalk their steps, and everything about them becomes attractive to you.
That’s when it hits. You realize you’re smitten.
Anyway, that was my case with this girl from class. I believed we would get married, have two kids (IMO, anything extra is poor family planning, sue me), and have a dog. Oh, the ignorance! But forgive me, I was young.
Anyway, after months of dating, she served me breakfast under a full moon right outside her apartment one early February morning. I know, February, the irony. I was hurt and angry, as most people would be, but in time I came to see her decision was for the best. Wish I could go out on a limb and say we maintained the friendship, but we know that never really works unless the chemistry wasn’t sizzling-hot to start with.
I got dumped, and that was my first ever experience with breakfast in relationships. Oh, there’s more, but storytime ends here.
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How To Serve Breakfast Well
Now, this isn’t something I’d have preferred to do (I joke, read away) but my job is to provide information, and if you want to end things with your partner in the least painful way, want to serve breakfast well in a relationship, then you should regard the following tips I’m about to share with you now.
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Don’t Serve Breakfast For Weightless Reasons
You must decide whether your relationship is worth ending. You have to think about the future for not only yourself but also your partner.
Don’t avoid breaking up with somebody because you are afraid of hurting their feelings. Breaking up may seem cruel, but continuing to be with somebody you are not in love with anymore is even worse.
Don’t suggest a “break.” Breaks are usually just a segue into a full-on breakup; if you feel that you need a break from the person you’re with, then chances are that you actually want to break up but are too afraid of being alone. Rather than asking for a break, wait until you’re ready to fully end the relationship and then do it.
Also, I feel I would be remiss for not saying this, so take note: Breaking up can be very emotional for everyone involved. Do not expect to be fast friends immediately after the breakup.
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Confirm Your Decision To Break Up
Never break up with somebody unless you are okay with the possibility that you may never get back together. Even if you do change your mind after the breakup and agree to get back together, you may have caused damage to the relationship that may be irreparable.
If you want to make the relationship work but don’t know how to, try counseling. A therapist can teach you skills that will help you have a healthier relationship.
Do not serve breakfast until it is fully ready and hot.
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Deliver Your Breakfast At The Right Time
There’s never going to be a perfect time to break up with the person you love, but there are definitely certain situations that you should avoid. Among them are the following:
- When your partner is dealing with a personal crisis like a death in the family, diagnosis of an illness, or loss of a job. If they are in the middle of a crisis, allow some time to pass before you break up to avoid adding on extra pain.
- In the middle of a fight: Never end a relationship in the heat of the moment; you may end up saying things that you don’t really mean, and come to regret your decision once the argument is over.
- In front of other people: If you choose to break up with them in public, be sure to at least find a quiet table or corner to have the conversation. Remember that one or both of you may become very emotional and need some privacy.
- Over text, e-mail, or the telephone: If you really love this person, then you owe it to them to have the discussion face-to-face. The only exception to this rule is if you are in a long-distance relationship and seeing each other in person is impractical. Even then, try to do it over Skype or the telephone rather than the more impersonal venues of text or email.
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H Is For Honesty, Not Harshness
Be honest, but not unnecessarily harsh. Everybody deserves to be told the truth, but at the same time, there are certain things that will only hurt your partner’s feelings without serving any constructive purpose. If there is something explicitly wrong with the relationship, like having incompatible interests, then you should tell your partner that.
Being honest and eliminating some of the mystery may help the person move on more quickly rather than constantly wondering why you ended the relationship, and what they could have done differently. This might be something like: “I know you are really into going out all the time, but I just don’t enjoy it. I don’t think we’ll continue to be happy with this incompatibility.”
Find a nice way to phrase your criticisms. If you love the person, then you should make an effort to protect their self-esteem. For example, instead of saying “I don’t find you attractive anymore,” say something like “I no longer feel that there’s any chemistry between us.”
Try to stay away from any insults or comments that go “below the belt” and would unnecessarily hurt your partner’s feelings. Reassure your partner that you still love and genuinely care for them. This will help ease some of the feelings associated with being rejected. You might say something like: “I think you’re a really great person. You’re very smart and have a lot of ambitions. I just think my ambitions are different.”
This is how to serve breakfast well in relationships.
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Solitude Is A Good After-Remedy
Most authors would characterize love as a rose with thorns, and the reference stays accurate. After serving breakfast or being served well in a relationship with someone that you loved, you may feel a loss. This might be an indication that you should take some time to get to know yourself and readjust to being single before jumping into a new relationship.
Look at this as a learning opportunity and a chance to grow as a person. Reflect on your relationship and think about what role you played in it not working out. You don’t need to blame yourself or feel guilty, but it can be helpful to take an honest look at what happened so you can learn from it.
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A Word From Battabox On Breakfast
And that’s a wrap! You have just learned everything about breakfast in relationships and how to serve it well. While I hope it’s something you never have to experience, it helps to prepare yourself so you always know how to act, or at the very least, what to expect.
If you have any questions, let us know below.
