It’s quite common for women to go through periods in their lives when they abstain from sex
completely, either solo or with a partner. While this may be normal for short spans,
prolonged sexual inactivity lasting months or years can become problematic if it is
distressing. There are a variety of causes that may result in a woman not being sexually
active. This article explores some of the main reasons to consider.
1. Low Sex Drive
One of the most prevalent causes for a woman not to be sexually active is simply having a
naturally lower libido and little innate desire for sexual activity. Sex drive exists on a
spectrum and some women are wired with less sexual appetite due to biological factors,
hormone levels, and other influences. If she feels content and fulfilled with less sex, then a
lower libido itself is not an issue. However, if distress accompanies it, a doctor should
evaluate potential causes.
2. Medications Hampering Desire
A common but overlooked cause for a woman not to be sexually active is the side effects of
various medications. Antidepressants, blood pressure medications, benzodiazepines, and
hormonal birth control can commonly inhibit sexual desire and arousal. Since medications
are not often linked to sexual issues, these side effects frequently go unaddressed.
However, adjusting dosages or trying alternative prescriptions can potentially increase sex
drive if this is the culprit.
3. Mental Health Conditions
Anxiety, depression, PTSD, and other mental health conditions in women can directly
impede sexual desire and frequency of sex. The struggles themselves take a toll on libido
while medications used to treat them also commonly cause sexual dysfunction. Additionally,
negative thought patterns may surround sex. Working with a therapist to manage mental
health issues and improve self-esteem and intimacy is key.
4. Physical Limitations and Health Problems
When suffering from chronic pain, mobility impediments, cancer treatment side effects,
vaginal dryness, erectile dysfunction, or other health conditions, sexual activity may become
very difficult or nearly impossible. The focus should be on treating the health problems
holistically, discussing options with medical providers, and finding alternative intimate
expressions like sensual massage that work within limitations.
5. History of Trauma
Sexual trauma, assault, abuse, violation of consent, or other distressing negative
experiences can understandably create barriers to engaging in sex. Flashbacks,
dissociation, fear, and avoidance behaviors are common with sexual PTSD. Therapy is
needed to process trauma and eventually help shift perspectives and experiences
surrounding sexual activity.
6. Stress Levels
High cortisol and adrenaline levels from stressful jobs, financial struggles, children, health
issues, caretaking of loved ones, and other life stressors can sap energy and tank libido.
Making stress management and self-care a priority is vital. Lowering stress reactivity can
help reboot natural sexual motivation and functioning.
7. Relationship Conflicts
Problems within an intimate relationship are a very frequent cause of reduced or non-
existent sexual activity. Common issues include mismatched libidos, lack of emotional
intimacy, trust issues, buried resentment, and ineffective communication. Couples
counseling facilitates properly expressing needs and rebuilding emotional and physical
connection.
8. Exhaustion
When depleted by long work hours, childrearing demands, health struggles, and burnout,
women often do not have leftover energy for sex. Restoring balance where possible in life
responsibilities and prioritizing self-care helps revive motivation for intercourse. Quickies or
morning sex when feeling freshest may work better than late nights.
9. Beliefs Impacting Sexuality
Rigid religious, family, or cultural views on female sexuality that characterize sex as immoral,
sinful, or reserved only for procreation can burden women with shame and confusion.
Unlearning and examining these beliefs around what “good girls” should do liberates women
to discover their inherent sexual desires.
10. Lack of Privacy
Living with family, roommates, or in crowded housing means there is often nowhere
comfortable to engage in sexual activity, causing abstinence. Moving into a space that
allows more privacy can help, as can intimate getaways, though creativity may be required!
11. Asexuality
Some women are asexual and do not experience innate sexual attraction or desire for sex.
This is a valid orientation, not something needing “fixing.” Asexual individuals can form
healthy romantic bonds with other strategies for intimacy that work for them outside of sex.
The path forward when plagued by months or years of minimal or non-existent sex requires
identifying the primary causes for a woman not to be sexually active. Once the root causes
are determined, steps can be taken – whether medical treatment, counseling, communicating needs, leaving toxic situations, or other interventions – to create conditions for reconnecting with sexual vitality.
